so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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