One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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