I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
