the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
