There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
