i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
