Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
