This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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