8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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