Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
sex in a hospital.. check
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
