ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can I color on your dick again?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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