she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
