what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
