But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
