It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
