Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
