I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
