I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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