She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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