think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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