wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
