fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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