My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
