My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
