I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
