i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
