I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize