I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What a dumb baby whore.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
