I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
