this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin