awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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