i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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