4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
