I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
