I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
