She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
please come you make the beer taste better
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
