i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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