i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
