I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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