I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
