If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
