Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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