The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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