Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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