She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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