My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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