i was born a porn star she said
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
