You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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