Don't make out with my wife yet
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
