Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
