how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
