Cold hands, warm shart.
You just made me feel so damn special
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
