in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
