he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
