Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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