do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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