When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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