Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
