dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
