Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
