i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
