First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He? As in you personified your dick?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
