I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
MIDGETS
????
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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