I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She told me I should be a condom model.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
