I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
