Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
