I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
