my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
