Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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