i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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