I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
