remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
