Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
