did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
