It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
