I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
