dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
