Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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