omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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